Facilities Dashboard • Paranormal Operations
A live-ish booking board for the meeting rooms that may or may not be haunted. Check availability, review the ghost-risk rating, and skim recent incident reports before committing to a 30-minute sync.
Safest Room Recommendation
5F — South Terrace • Capacity 10
The only conference room in the building with a documented zero-incident streak since renovation. Highly recommended for client visits and exorcisms-in-training.
Ghost Risk: NoneMost Haunted — Booking Closed
B1 — Sub-basement • Capacity 4
Permanently delisted from the booking system after the Q4 2025 incident. Please do not file booking requests. We will not approve them. We cannot approve them.
Ghost Risk: Critical6 of 7 rooms are currently in the booking system. Click a room to file a request with Facilities & Paranormal Ops.
4F — East Wing • Capacity 18
Phantom Q3 review meetings reconvene here every other Tuesday whether scheduled or not. Bookings under 30 minutes are statistically safer.
Amenities
Holographic whiteboard · Salt-circle floor inlay · EMF-shielded conference phone
Known Entities
2F — West Wing • Capacity 8
Refreshed monthly. Minor activity limited to occasional unexplained whiteboard rearrangements that have, on three occasions, produced viable product ideas.
Amenities
Sticky-note wall · Standing desks · Sage diffuser
Known Entities
3F — Central Atrium • Capacity 24
Recorded temperature 14F below the rest of the floor regardless of HVAC settings. Bring layers. Bring offerings (warm beverages preferred).
Amenities
Tiered seating · Backup heat lamps · Reinforced AV cart
Known Entities
5F — South Terrace • Capacity 10
The only conference room in the building with a documented zero-incident streak since renovation. Highly recommended for client visits and exorcisms-in-training.
Amenities
Floor-to-ceiling windows · Live succulents · Acoustic dampening
1F — Lower Lobby • Capacity 6
Currently undergoing mirror replacement. Do not enter alone. Do not enter with another person. Do not enter.
Amenities
Wall-to-wall mirrors · Whispered-rumor suppression panel · Doorless egress
Known Entities
B1 — Sub-basement • Capacity 4
Permanently delisted from the booking system after the Q4 2025 incident. Please do not file booking requests. We will not approve them. We cannot approve them.
Amenities
Original 1998 carpet · Unidentified humming · One (1) blinking server rack of unknown origin
Known Entities
2F — North Patio • Capacity 12
The phantom intern reliably refills the coffee carafe and has never interrupted a meeting. We are not asking questions.
Amenities
Garden access · Natural light · Birdsong audio loop
Known Entities
Filed through the Paranormal Operations incident form. Reports are reviewed weekly and never, under any circumstances, dismissed as "probably just the HVAC."
Three uninvited attendees appeared on the Zoom recording. Two declined when asked to leave. The third joined the action items.
Reported by: Facilities (anonymous)
Conference call audio was overlaid with a faint Morse code message that decoded to "REPLY ALL." Several team members did. Inboxes have not recovered.
Reported by: Eng Manager, Platform
Reporter's reflection waved goodbye before the reporter did. Reporter has filed a friendly grievance through HR. HR has filed a sympathetic shrug.
Reported by: Junior PM
Pager activated despite no on-call rotation, no oncoming incident, and the device being physically unplugged for 11 months. We are escalating to a priest.
Reported by: On-call SRE
Sticky notes spontaneously reorganized into a perfectly sequenced product roadmap. The team kept the roadmap. The team thanked the room.
Reported by: Design Lead
A succulent appears to have rotated 90 degrees overnight. We are choosing to believe this was caused by the cleaning crew. We are choosing to believe.
Reported by: Office Manager
Select a room above and submit a booking request. Facilities will confirm the slot with you. Paranormal Operations will confirm the slot with the room. If both parties agree, your meeting is on the calendar.
Rooms in Maintenance or Closed status cannot be booked through this dashboard. Please do not attempt to override the system. The system has already overridden you.
Dashboard data refreshes whenever the building feels like it. For urgent paranormal incidents, contact Facilities directly and do not stay in the affected room.